Hidden beauty in Chico!

Hello everyone!

In spirit of Earth Day yesterday, Sophia and I went to the bamboo forest here In Chico. I have known about it for some time but have never been. The weather was finally nice enough to go. Much to my surprise it was much more than just a bamboo forest. There was a gorgeous creek, lush greenery and many colorful flowers and great photo opportunities to snap some spring photos of Sophia!

The best part was how absolutely peaceful it was...a little escape from reality! Sophia loved all the flowers and we will definitely be back! Here is a little glimpse.....









Much love,

The ups and downs in life...wrapped up in a song

Today the sun is shining and my baby girl is talking (or trying to), yet there is emptiness in my heart. Last night I was reminded of the depth of relationships, and one in particular that I hold incredibly close to my heart. The future is unknown at this point and while the the future becomes suddenly frightening, I begin to grasp for strength through the only way I know how...my thoughts and music.

I will share with you my anthem, during these past few weeks that have been incredibly rough. It gets me through the day and gives me some serene kind of clarity. Enjoy!


HELLO WORLD by Lady Antebellum

Traffic crawls, cell phone calls
Talk radio screams at me through my tinted window I see
A little girl, rust red minivan, she’s got chocolate on her face
Got little hands and she waves at me
Yeah, she smiles at me


Well, hello world
How you been
Good to see you, my old friend
Sometimes I feel cold as steel
Broken like I’m never gonna heal
And I see a light, a little hope in a little girl
Hello world


Every day I drive by a little white church
It’s got these little white crosses
Like angels in the yard
Maybe I should stop on in, say a prayer
Maybe talk to God like he is there
Oh, I know he’s there
Yeah, I know he’s there


Well hello world
How you been
Good to see you, my old friend
Sometimes I feel as cold as steel
And broken like I’m never gonna heal
And I see a light, a little grace, a little faith unfurls
Well hello world


Sometimes I forget what living’s for
And I hear my life through my front door
And I breathe it in
Oh, I’m home again
And I see my wife
Little boy and little girl
Hello world
Hello world


Well the empty disappears
I remember why I’m here
Just surrender and believe
I fall down on my knees
Well hello world
Hello world
Hello world

Live...love...laugh

Hello all....

Shannon came into town Thursday for the weekend and we had so much fun! It was her first time meeting Sophia and she quickly fell in love with our little beauty. I worked for a few hours Friday and after we had a girls day with manis and pedis, followed by a spontaneous decision for an early dinner @ 5th Street Steakhouse...yes...on Good Friday! After we ordered our steaks, we all had to sit back and laugh to ourselves, especially that the place was packed with meat lovers!
I worked Saturday and Shannon and Chris hung out with Sophia. Daddy watched college b-ball at Chad's and I got some one on one time with Sophia. That night we decided to go out.

Now going out with Shannon was a normal thing 2 years ago. After having a baby though, everything has changed. Not only do I not go out, my sense of self has apparently changed too. While getting ready, she told me my outfit of choice was too "business like." I almost died laughing because I knew she was right. So after a change of clothes and a self esteem image boost, we were off. LaSalles it was for a fun night. We shortly realized we were...yes...old! We only knew the bartenders and our good friend Jared who was overly delighted to see us. After many drinks (and shots), next was the Banshee, a stop at Jacks for a "tuna melt!" we arrived home at 4:30 am.


After 3 hours of sleep, I was up and at em' for Easter egg hunting and brunch. After making the strongest pot of expresso possible for Shan and I, we quickly managed to somehow get dressed, apply makeup and get Sophia dressed. Canyon Oaks, here we come! We arrived in jeans, without a second though but Christopher didn't seem to inform us of the no jeans policy in the country club. After being seated in the corner of the bar area, away from our friends feeling 2 inches tall, I made the executive decision to go home and change. We brought Christopher back some khakis, and settled in to a lovely brunch. Water never tasted so good and although my eyes were puffy and red from a night filled of fun, we took some great family shots over looking the green.



We came home, they went through the Easter baskets...



...and I began the task of making Easter dinner. Suddenly going out was becoming more and more of a death sentence.

In the end, the cola basted ham (thanks Paula Deen) and scalloped potatoes were great. I had luckily made the carrot cake cheesecake in advance on Saturday evening, which was a blessing in disguise. Nonetheless, our Easter weekend went out with a bang! Our friends Neal, Krista and their daughter Tatum came over for the feast. I bought a bottle of Mumm's Cuvee M which was thoroughly enjoyed (especially by the men...lol).

After they left, we popped in The Hangover which was completely appropriate given the physical and mental state of Shan and I and finally fell asleep at 1 am after Sophia.

Lots of living, lots of laughs and of course lots of love for Sophia's first Easter!!!

Much love,

Alone in my thoughts

Christopher left this morning for Scottsdale. A lil sad that we're spending five days apart instead of together. Thinking optimistically, it has given me a chance to have one on one time with my daughter. It has also given me time to think in a quiet space.

Today was the least productive day I have had in a while, in fact since maternity leave when she slept most days and was up most nights. With the exception of a trip to Toys R Us, I have spent the day in pjs, on the floor with Sophia. She has changed so much over these past 6 months. Scrolling through the thousands of pics on the hard drive, it amazes me how even the littlest detail has changed. She has a different nose and a whole new heart melting smile. She looks at any and everything now, taking it all in and I often find myself imagining the thoughts that are running like wildfire through her tiny brain. I imagine she loves Lily and the color purple because it calms her each time we enter her room. I imagine that she can't quite understand the appeal of my iPhone but she loves all the colorful icons. I imagine she has the same hopes and dreams as I did as a child. The thrill of taking a bath, the mystery of the swirling world outside from the car window as we run errands around town, the pleasure in the simplest of things.

Tonight is different though. Tonight as I stare at her, I attempt to put into words just how much she has changed my life. As I always have a tendency to do, I relate it to a song and I have found just the one. "She's Got A Way" by Billy Joel. Now I know it is meant as a perspective from a man to a woman. However, every verse holds true with my sweet girl. Here's a lil refresher of some of my favorite lines....

"She's got a way about her
I don't know what it is
But I know that I can't live without her
She's got a way of pleasin'
I don't know why it is
But there doesn't have to be a reason anywhere"

"She's got a light around her
And ev'rywhere she goes a million
Dreams of love surround her ev'rewhere"

"She's got a smile that heals me
I don't know why it is
But I have to laugh when she reveals me
She's got a way about her
I don't know what it is
But I know that I can't live without her any way"

She is simply stunning. Yes beautiful but stunning in the way that she is effortless in lighting up my life everyday. She doesn't even have the mental capacity to know just how much she means to me, yet she never fails to do so. She is the purest symbol of peace, the epitome of joy. I look to her for strength, for unconditional love, for sunshine on a dark day.

So, as tonight winds down and she plays with the many toys on the floor next to me, I begin to wonder if I have or will ever let her down. It's only a natural emotion. A mother's bond to her child is so incredibly strong. With that strength comes an unnerving sense of protection. Life is definitely a journey that has taken me down many paths, her being the biggest path. As many of you who read this blog regularly know, she was not meant to be (ideally). Not right now at least, not during this time in my life.

As I look at her, I can only hope and pray that I will always do right by her. I want to be her voice of reason, but in order to do so I must make wise decisions of my own. My mother set the example for me as a child, and I continue to look up to her for everything she did for my sister and I, in the face of adversity, sacrifice and the unknown.

When you become a parent, life as you know it changes and will never again be the same. Priorities are adjusted. Wants become dissolved and everything else is reduced to essentials. These facts have truly been highlighted over the past few weeks. Every decision I make has an impact on her and tonight those decisions I have made and will make in the future weigh heavy on my mind. I will keep specific thoughts private for now, but tonight has brought much clarity to a very confused mind.

With that, thank God for the outlet otherwise known as the blog. I would also like to thank my incredibly patient family and dear friends that have taken a huge backseat to my daughter since September. You all know who you are and I love you from the bottom of my heart!

Sweet dreams everyone!

Saliva, Squash and Spring!

Wow!!! It's been a while since I've posted something....

So change is finally here! A tree is blossoming gorgeous bright pink blossoms in our backyard, the itch to plant flowers is here and well, Sophia is teething yet again!

Her top teeth will come through anyday...I just know it. She is pushing her WubbaNub up against the top of her mouth with all her might. And the saliva is flowing and flowing! Going through several onesies each day because the thought of her living in a bib is too much for me to handle. And this time change thing may have thrown her off a bit too. She is back to waking 2-3 times in the night. However, I do think its more of a combination of a growth spurt and the close arrival of her top teeth.

She is now 6 months old. Her half birthday was on Sunday night, and keeping in the spirit, my mom got her a 1/2 mini birthday cake (from Baskin Robbins). She got her hands on it and I snapped a few pictures, but when the hands began going towards her mouth, we wiped them clean and indulged in her fun treat for her. Not sure if she liked watching us eat her cake, but it was sure good! Here is a pic of it....




She also had her first solids on Monday! My mom bought organic butternut Squash. We got the Ninja (the one on the infomercial) and it is AMAZING for quickly pureeing veggies for her baby food. She steamed the squash and pureed it and right when I came home for my lunch break, it was ready for me to feed her for the first time. Christopher came home right as I was giving her her first bite. She LOVED it! She has begun this new thing of sticking her tongue out and vibrating it to spit. She has discovered that this little trick produces noise which makes her laugh hysterically. So the butternut squash came out more than it went in, but she had no problem grabbing the spoon and feeding herself. She ate all of it and even had seconds. Next will be the throwing of the bowls of food. Thank God for suction cup bottoms :)

Yesterday was her first St Patricks Day....wanted to dye her breastmilk green but that fun will have to wait til next year! Got her the cutest outfit to wear. Chris was going to pick us up some corned beef from the Banshee but they were sold out so ironically I settled for their amazing fish tacos and he had their Philly. Quite the opposite of the Irish tradition, but our little shamrock sure looked cute...



So the sun is shining...73 degrees today! Such a blessing because I am so over winter and cold. Sophia is sleeping but as soon as she wakes I am going to bring her swing out in the sunshine so I can wash my car and get my home ready with some spring cleaning.

Lydia (Christopher's mom) is coming into town tonight as well as Richie (his brother). They will both be meeting Sophia for the first time so we're looking forward to some fun this weekend. I have to work Sat and Sun but Christopher will have some great quality time with his mom and brother. The weather should be nice so maybe I can take them to Bidwell Park tomorrow on my day off or to downtown Chico.

I have also begun sprucing up these empty walls in our house. Found an awesome piece @ Bed Bath and Beyond to put in our entry by our hallway and family room. I also ordered a large black 8 piece "Live Laugh Love" frame collage to go above the couch. I have taken a tremendous amount of pictures of Sophia and they are just waiting in the hard drive to be displayed on the walls. Our house is finally beginning to feel like a home, throwing out that "freshly moved in" look.

Alright time to throw on the Cinderella shoes so I can have some peace and quiet time with my sweet Gracie before the house becomes full :)

Much love,

Sophia's 1st sequence of laughs!!!

Thought I would share this with everyone...the 125th reason (and counting) why we love her!!! It also documents her discovering Mommy's iPhone while filming :)

My lil' hot tamale!

Yesterday Sophia and I went to a tamale making party. Every year, my DM gets together with her family in LA and all the ladies spend all day making tamales every year around the holidays. This year she had all the store managers over to her house in Sacramento for a tamale party. I was on maternity leave this holiday, so I am so glad I got to participate and didn't miss out on the one time a year we all get together and chit chat, drink and eat. I didn't have any sangria (which I was told was delicious) but Sophia and I made our first tamales. She was such a good baby! All the ladies loved her and as we made our tamales, she sat on Chiings lap and watched the process. She's at that stage now that she has to grab everything in sight and thrust it into her mouth. Therefore, I was worried it would hinder the process but it was so much fun (although it most likely took lots of will power for her not to dig her hands in the masa)! I must admit for a beginner's class, the ladies of District 10 beat all expectations. I took a bunch home and will be sharing them with Christopher and my other managers at work. Had them again for breakfast this morning as Sophia and I relax on the couch on my second day off.

Lots to do today. Gotta load up on hot tea as my throat begins to ache. Hopefully a cold isn't making it's way through. I would so badly love to stay under the blankets on the couch today, but the laundry won't fold itself and I made a commitment to work out at least 3 days a week, preferably four.

Dinner tonight with Chad and Kelly, so I'll have to Tivo the women's figure skating long program tonight. Looking forward to the performances, especially Canada's Joannie Rochette. Her short program brought me to tears, so much emotion from just losing her mother so suddenly. I can't even begin to fathom losing mine. The amount of courage it took to even decide to compete, much less to step her first foot on the ice, was tremendous. Even though I am a huge supporter of the USA team (for obvious reasons) I will be secretly rooting for Canada tonight!

The girls come up tomorrow night for Billy's 40th birthday bash Saturday which should be a great time. Christopher will be staying home this Saturday night and having Daddy/daughter time with Sophia for the first time alone while mommy can have some girl time with Darc, Ash, and Katie. The challenge will be to see if I still have it in me. Haven't been out on the town with my girlfriends since before Sophia was born. 14.5 months is a LONG "off season"....lol. It will feel good to get all dolled up, have fun with my ladies and see all the familiar faces I haven't seen in a while.

All in all, a busy next three days! Enjoy your weekend everyone!!!