Busy week to prepare for an extremely busy month

As of next Tuesday, I will have lived in the new place for a month! I can't believe how fast the time has gone. Just designed and ordered the invites for Sophia's 1st birthday and even by the time I receive them and send them out Monday the party will be 5 weeks away. I keep finding all these little projects that need to be finished by the time the house is filled with my dearest friends and family. I want to plant flowers in the back, start an herb garden in my kitchen greenhouse window, paint the kitchen and Sophia's room, the list goes on. I love the way the invites turned out and will be referring the company to you all for future needs...

www.picturemeperfect.com.

Already have the theme of the party planned and have begun getting all the decorations together. Cupcakes and her 1st cake are already planned as well. The menu however has been consuming my thoughts. It will be mid September so the weather will still be warm. My mom recommended chili but again I think it will be too hot for such a cozy dish. BBQ? Mexican taco bar? Sandies, salads and sides? As many of my friends know already, when it comes to food I am already obsessively indecisive. The day will be such a special day and I am not sure that I will want to be slaving away behind the Weber. Thankfully my mom is taking the entire week off so she will be here to help me prepare, cook, etc.

If the party planning process time hasn't already been slipping through my fingers, my little girl is now standing freely on her own, walking along the couch and on Tuesday she started saying "Ba ba ba ba." Brings a smile to my face because that little voice inside that I have been anxiously waiting to hear will come out before I know it. Just waiting on the magical word...mama!

Things are getting easier and easier by the day. I have moved from crying after she leaves, to my eyes simply welling with tears. Chris was gone all last week and didn't get his usual Wednesday night so I told him he could have her this Thursday night as well. I know the split is just as hard on him but I can't bear to be apart from her. The maternal bond is stronger than you ever can imagine until you actually become a mother for the first time.

So tonight, I will have some me time. Give myself a facial and pedicure and maybe catch up on some reading. Can't wait to see my favorite girls this weekend. Long overdue and definitely needed. I love Chico but an escape every now and then is a nice break from reality.

More photos to come but here are a couple recent shots of Sophia with the new maracas I got her...





Much love,

Where have I been???

So...WOW! Its been a while since I have updated. I apologize for that but I have been extremely busy with work, moving arrangements and chasing after a crawling...yes crawling 10 month old. Yeah...10 months! Not sure where the time went but my baby no longer looks like a baby. She is growing into a little woman quickly!

I would have posted earlier, but finally got my internet up and running.

Saturday marks the two week mark of living in our new home. Sophia loves it...I think. It's so hard to tell if she is being affected by the massive change but she is still the happiest baby as always. She has a bigger room than her first nursery and while is is still empty other than a dresser, an armoire and pack n' play, I have big things planned for yet another custom designed nursery.

The house is so charming and perfect for us. It's a 3 bedroom one bath in downtown Chico. Some highlights are the front porch, the remodeled kitchen and of course the old clawfoot bathtub. Built in the 1920's it has amazing custom woodwork and it has so much potential to truly make it my own. Luckily my landlord is a friend of mine so I can really make it my own in terms of painting, interior design, etc.

A huge milestone happened the first night we slept in our new home. We spent the night in pure peace. We had no tv (donated the heavy thing to the Salvation Army) or internet and spent the evening on the floor with pillows and blankets. As Lily, Sophia and I were on the floor playing, Sophia pulled herself up to standing for the first time. While I was ecstatic, and feverishly grabbed my phone to snap a photo to send Christopher, I couldn't help but fight back the bittersweet tears. Christopher and I are now officially living separately and I was saddened because he wasn't there to share it with me. Just another reality check that I won't always be there for every milestone going forward. I may miss her first step or her first word and the thought brings pain to my heart but I must stay strong.

Tonight is the 2nd Wednesday night without my sweet baby and it has been a little easier than the first. My first full weekend and 48 hour period without her came last weekend and each night I cried myself to sleep, again something that will ease in time.

A bottle of zin has been my companion this evening. This week has been incredibly long already. With the move, stress at work, the ongoing battle about custody and support with Christopher and I, to top it all off...Lily went missing for most of Monday !

She somehow escaped through the side gate which was slightly ajar. It happened on my mom's watch while I was at work. I was an emotional wreck. Chris came home from work and while my mom paced Bidwell Park with Sophia in search of her, Chris made flyers to post. I came home for a 3 hour lunch break to hang signs, contact my groomer, animal control, my vet and the humane society. The day came and went and no sign of Lily. When I came home, and there was still no word via phone or email, I broke down again in the backyard. Fearful I would never see her again, my mom and I just cried together, She was my first baby and irreplaceable in my eyes. My mom brought me my cell in the midst of my tears and luckily the best news all day came through a voicemail....Lily was safe and sound!!! A sweet girl named Rosie Keen was running in Bidwell Park when Lily began following her. She followed her all the way back to her house, running past our house on the way (which I can now laugh at). She luckily kept her all day and when her parents arrived home, her dad recommended her going door to door to find her rightful owners. Luckily two doors down we had posted a flyer earlier. They found it, called my cell and the rest is history. I was still crying when I went to pick her up and they couldn't stop talking about what a great dog she was. The Keen family is incredibly sweet and as a thank you I got them a $50 gift card from my store. We are now once again a big happy family and I wouldn't have it any other way. While my mom is now fearful of letting Lily outside, she will one day regain her freedom.

Alright, I think that's enough catching up for now. Going to watch a movie, have another glass of vino and give myself a long overdue facial. I get my girl back tomorrow morning and will post recent pics of her then.

Sweet dreams everyone!

A week of soul searching, Sophia and (hopefully) sun!

My week long vacation started today...and it started off with a big mouth full of teeth smiling up at me from her crib. The days of sleeping in are no longer important to me. Even when times are tough and I can't see the light at the end, Sophia has a way of lighting up my life each and every time.

As she plays on the floor with the diameter of various toys surrounding her, I cant help but be at peace. This vacation has been needed for quite some time. I don't have big plans, no extensive road trips and flights anywhere. Just time to reflect on the whirlwind of the past 16 months and how it has deeply affected me both positively and negatively. As most of you know, I will be making some changes in the near future. Nothing that was ever forseen or wanted, but change nonetheless. My primary focus is my daughter and ensuring that the change comes as seamless as possible.

While I have learned many things lately, the biggest takeaway is that I cannot change people and I cannot control how they view me as a mother and a basic human being. I have spent so much energy on trying to change the effects of the past, to change their opinion of me, and in the end the reality is bittersweet.

Bittersweet for two reasons...the end of something that once had hopes of being loving and fulfilling has opened up the door to endless possibilities for love and fulfillment in the future. The truth is I know who I am, I know what I have given to the relationships in my life and I also know that I will never allow anyone outside my home to control my happiness ever again.

I am a mother and that is the greatest gift of all. It comes with smiles and tears, grief and celebration, exhaustion and endless energy, but most importantly I am creating a life. Everyday I teach her right from wrong. I instill healthy moral values. I show her what love is and the benefits of its reciprocation. I shower her with unconditional love, support and positive encouragement. It is these efforts and values that I hope will be shared by both Christopher and I as we raise her together, hopefully in a co-parenting environment. Consistency is the key and, while it hasn't always been that way these past 8 months due to extenuating circumstances, that is my hope from this point forward.

So this week begins time to recenter myself, re-establish what I want for the future and begin creating a plan of how to get to next. Like my favorite quote says at the top of the blog, I must think twice...once for myself and once for my daughter. A friend suggested a trip to the coast and I think that just may be what my soul needs. I could take Sophia to Santa Cruz for the first time, take a walk on the beach and go to my favorite, Pizza My Heart in Capitola :)

The future, while unknown, can be terrifying and exciting all at once. It is my wild hope and string desire to make it everything I want it to be for my daughter and then of course for myself.

I will use this blog to keep you updated of our path and of course, Sophia will remain the priority of my entries.

Stay tuned...

Where did 8 months go???

Woke up this morning to see the smiling face of an 8 month old baby....and her teeth! Four top ones and 2 bottom ones to be exact. I get to see the pearly whites each time she smiles. This morning, though, I had to remind myself she was mine. As I fed her and she slept on my chest, I couldnt help but smile and shed a few tears. My baby now takes up my entire abdomen and she will be walking sooner than she crawls. Mostly though, I just can't get over how sweet and loving she is. How did I ever get so lucky? What did we do to deserve such a happy child? Seemed like just yesterday we were bringing her home from the hospital. For her 8 month birthday, I bought her a cute pink adirondack chair. It will last for years and she will definitely grow into it. I am thinking about painting "Sophia" on one arm rest and "Grace" on the other. I threw her bikini on and shot a few pics of her.....




I gave her a bath this morning and she can now sit up all on her own and play with her ducks without falling over. She loves her bath time and more importantly her ducks. Next time I will take a pic of her with ALL her ducks :)

The flower clips I made turned out great and put one in her hair today...quite Miss America if I do say so myself...



One more full week of work then...vacation! Nothing extravagant planned, just some quality R&R time with my sweet girl that is much deserved and I cannot wait! Jordan graduates so next weekend will be filled with lots of family and lots of fun!

Candace watched Sophia while I went to my first session with the counselor this morning. Felt good to feel supported and in a safe environment. Can't wait until Christopher and I get to go together on Tuesday night. Trying to stay positive and keep my head held high. Everything will work its way out for the best, and Sophia will get to reap the benefits.

Gotta head to work but I will update some more later!

Much love,

Say a little prayer...

It's National Prayer Day!

In spirit I am asking for all the strength I can muster. There have been many changes lately, all for the best of course, but the road to the best positive outcome for everyone involved has been a rough one. We love all of those who have given us your love and support!

I am on Day 6 of the Master Cleanse but no prayers needed there. I am exceeding my expectations and feel SO good physically. I have already noticed a difference in my skin and body. Deciding if I want to go the full 10 days and skip out on the possibility of a Mother's Day brunch, or just cut it short @ 8.

A Sophia UPDATE:
Sophia's front teeth are IN!!!!! Well the top left and first side left tooth are. We are waiting on the two right ones now. She will have a full mouth of pearly whites before we know it.

Still not crawling, for she has taken a liking to rolling wherever she wants to go. Rolling and reaching. Just like her mama. I didn't crawl until I was almost 11 months old because I could get anything I wanted be creeping and stretching to reach it.

She has so many facial expressions now. So many that remind me of myself, lots of Christopher and even a few that strangely remind me of my grandfather. I took a picture of her that it is a spitting image of his face as a young child and it brings me so much peace to look at it. I miss him and my grandmother so much and I know that if they were still with us they would love her more than life itself, not to mention how proud they would be of me as a mother.

Sophia makes different sounds each day and they all make me smile. It sounded like she was saying "Oooohhh!" earlier this morning. I am cherishing each and every moment I have with her at this stage because it passes so fast.

Still eating lots of fun new solids. Grandma made her pureed pears the other night and more of the applesauce that she loves. We mixed the pear juice in with rice cereal instead of formula and she loved it!

Ideas are starting to flow for Sophia's' 1st birthday. If I don't begin planning it soon, I will run out of time. I can't wait to see everyone...and of course see my sweet girl dig into her first cake :)

Mama definitely needs a mini vacation away from reality but I won't go without her. Missing out on my friends Kate's 30th bash in Cabo but there will be many more fun moments to come in the future. Sophia takes 1st priority in my life right now and I wouldn't have it any other way. A co-worker is putting together a little overnight getaway in Nape filled with pampering treatments and vino. Hopefully Grandma can come with and watch her while Karen and I get some much need retail R&R :)

I am home today recharging the batteries to get me through this Mother's Day weekend @ the store. It's going to be crazy but I love those times the most. I feel like I am actually accomplishing things and overall making my customer's day.

I will make a special Mother's Day post on Sunday, reflecting on all things "mama"! Stay tuned...

Much love,

Hidden beauty in Chico!

Hello everyone!

In spirit of Earth Day yesterday, Sophia and I went to the bamboo forest here In Chico. I have known about it for some time but have never been. The weather was finally nice enough to go. Much to my surprise it was much more than just a bamboo forest. There was a gorgeous creek, lush greenery and many colorful flowers and great photo opportunities to snap some spring photos of Sophia!

The best part was how absolutely peaceful it was...a little escape from reality! Sophia loved all the flowers and we will definitely be back! Here is a little glimpse.....









Much love,

The ups and downs in life...wrapped up in a song

Today the sun is shining and my baby girl is talking (or trying to), yet there is emptiness in my heart. Last night I was reminded of the depth of relationships, and one in particular that I hold incredibly close to my heart. The future is unknown at this point and while the the future becomes suddenly frightening, I begin to grasp for strength through the only way I know how...my thoughts and music.

I will share with you my anthem, during these past few weeks that have been incredibly rough. It gets me through the day and gives me some serene kind of clarity. Enjoy!


HELLO WORLD by Lady Antebellum

Traffic crawls, cell phone calls
Talk radio screams at me through my tinted window I see
A little girl, rust red minivan, she’s got chocolate on her face
Got little hands and she waves at me
Yeah, she smiles at me


Well, hello world
How you been
Good to see you, my old friend
Sometimes I feel cold as steel
Broken like I’m never gonna heal
And I see a light, a little hope in a little girl
Hello world


Every day I drive by a little white church
It’s got these little white crosses
Like angels in the yard
Maybe I should stop on in, say a prayer
Maybe talk to God like he is there
Oh, I know he’s there
Yeah, I know he’s there


Well hello world
How you been
Good to see you, my old friend
Sometimes I feel as cold as steel
And broken like I’m never gonna heal
And I see a light, a little grace, a little faith unfurls
Well hello world


Sometimes I forget what living’s for
And I hear my life through my front door
And I breathe it in
Oh, I’m home again
And I see my wife
Little boy and little girl
Hello world
Hello world


Well the empty disappears
I remember why I’m here
Just surrender and believe
I fall down on my knees
Well hello world
Hello world
Hello world

Live...love...laugh

Hello all....

Shannon came into town Thursday for the weekend and we had so much fun! It was her first time meeting Sophia and she quickly fell in love with our little beauty. I worked for a few hours Friday and after we had a girls day with manis and pedis, followed by a spontaneous decision for an early dinner @ 5th Street Steakhouse...yes...on Good Friday! After we ordered our steaks, we all had to sit back and laugh to ourselves, especially that the place was packed with meat lovers!
I worked Saturday and Shannon and Chris hung out with Sophia. Daddy watched college b-ball at Chad's and I got some one on one time with Sophia. That night we decided to go out.

Now going out with Shannon was a normal thing 2 years ago. After having a baby though, everything has changed. Not only do I not go out, my sense of self has apparently changed too. While getting ready, she told me my outfit of choice was too "business like." I almost died laughing because I knew she was right. So after a change of clothes and a self esteem image boost, we were off. LaSalles it was for a fun night. We shortly realized we were...yes...old! We only knew the bartenders and our good friend Jared who was overly delighted to see us. After many drinks (and shots), next was the Banshee, a stop at Jacks for a "tuna melt!" we arrived home at 4:30 am.


After 3 hours of sleep, I was up and at em' for Easter egg hunting and brunch. After making the strongest pot of expresso possible for Shan and I, we quickly managed to somehow get dressed, apply makeup and get Sophia dressed. Canyon Oaks, here we come! We arrived in jeans, without a second though but Christopher didn't seem to inform us of the no jeans policy in the country club. After being seated in the corner of the bar area, away from our friends feeling 2 inches tall, I made the executive decision to go home and change. We brought Christopher back some khakis, and settled in to a lovely brunch. Water never tasted so good and although my eyes were puffy and red from a night filled of fun, we took some great family shots over looking the green.



We came home, they went through the Easter baskets...



...and I began the task of making Easter dinner. Suddenly going out was becoming more and more of a death sentence.

In the end, the cola basted ham (thanks Paula Deen) and scalloped potatoes were great. I had luckily made the carrot cake cheesecake in advance on Saturday evening, which was a blessing in disguise. Nonetheless, our Easter weekend went out with a bang! Our friends Neal, Krista and their daughter Tatum came over for the feast. I bought a bottle of Mumm's Cuvee M which was thoroughly enjoyed (especially by the men...lol).

After they left, we popped in The Hangover which was completely appropriate given the physical and mental state of Shan and I and finally fell asleep at 1 am after Sophia.

Lots of living, lots of laughs and of course lots of love for Sophia's first Easter!!!

Much love,

Alone in my thoughts

Christopher left this morning for Scottsdale. A lil sad that we're spending five days apart instead of together. Thinking optimistically, it has given me a chance to have one on one time with my daughter. It has also given me time to think in a quiet space.

Today was the least productive day I have had in a while, in fact since maternity leave when she slept most days and was up most nights. With the exception of a trip to Toys R Us, I have spent the day in pjs, on the floor with Sophia. She has changed so much over these past 6 months. Scrolling through the thousands of pics on the hard drive, it amazes me how even the littlest detail has changed. She has a different nose and a whole new heart melting smile. She looks at any and everything now, taking it all in and I often find myself imagining the thoughts that are running like wildfire through her tiny brain. I imagine she loves Lily and the color purple because it calms her each time we enter her room. I imagine that she can't quite understand the appeal of my iPhone but she loves all the colorful icons. I imagine she has the same hopes and dreams as I did as a child. The thrill of taking a bath, the mystery of the swirling world outside from the car window as we run errands around town, the pleasure in the simplest of things.

Tonight is different though. Tonight as I stare at her, I attempt to put into words just how much she has changed my life. As I always have a tendency to do, I relate it to a song and I have found just the one. "She's Got A Way" by Billy Joel. Now I know it is meant as a perspective from a man to a woman. However, every verse holds true with my sweet girl. Here's a lil refresher of some of my favorite lines....

"She's got a way about her
I don't know what it is
But I know that I can't live without her
She's got a way of pleasin'
I don't know why it is
But there doesn't have to be a reason anywhere"

"She's got a light around her
And ev'rywhere she goes a million
Dreams of love surround her ev'rewhere"

"She's got a smile that heals me
I don't know why it is
But I have to laugh when she reveals me
She's got a way about her
I don't know what it is
But I know that I can't live without her any way"

She is simply stunning. Yes beautiful but stunning in the way that she is effortless in lighting up my life everyday. She doesn't even have the mental capacity to know just how much she means to me, yet she never fails to do so. She is the purest symbol of peace, the epitome of joy. I look to her for strength, for unconditional love, for sunshine on a dark day.

So, as tonight winds down and she plays with the many toys on the floor next to me, I begin to wonder if I have or will ever let her down. It's only a natural emotion. A mother's bond to her child is so incredibly strong. With that strength comes an unnerving sense of protection. Life is definitely a journey that has taken me down many paths, her being the biggest path. As many of you who read this blog regularly know, she was not meant to be (ideally). Not right now at least, not during this time in my life.

As I look at her, I can only hope and pray that I will always do right by her. I want to be her voice of reason, but in order to do so I must make wise decisions of my own. My mother set the example for me as a child, and I continue to look up to her for everything she did for my sister and I, in the face of adversity, sacrifice and the unknown.

When you become a parent, life as you know it changes and will never again be the same. Priorities are adjusted. Wants become dissolved and everything else is reduced to essentials. These facts have truly been highlighted over the past few weeks. Every decision I make has an impact on her and tonight those decisions I have made and will make in the future weigh heavy on my mind. I will keep specific thoughts private for now, but tonight has brought much clarity to a very confused mind.

With that, thank God for the outlet otherwise known as the blog. I would also like to thank my incredibly patient family and dear friends that have taken a huge backseat to my daughter since September. You all know who you are and I love you from the bottom of my heart!

Sweet dreams everyone!

Saliva, Squash and Spring!

Wow!!! It's been a while since I've posted something....

So change is finally here! A tree is blossoming gorgeous bright pink blossoms in our backyard, the itch to plant flowers is here and well, Sophia is teething yet again!

Her top teeth will come through anyday...I just know it. She is pushing her WubbaNub up against the top of her mouth with all her might. And the saliva is flowing and flowing! Going through several onesies each day because the thought of her living in a bib is too much for me to handle. And this time change thing may have thrown her off a bit too. She is back to waking 2-3 times in the night. However, I do think its more of a combination of a growth spurt and the close arrival of her top teeth.

She is now 6 months old. Her half birthday was on Sunday night, and keeping in the spirit, my mom got her a 1/2 mini birthday cake (from Baskin Robbins). She got her hands on it and I snapped a few pictures, but when the hands began going towards her mouth, we wiped them clean and indulged in her fun treat for her. Not sure if she liked watching us eat her cake, but it was sure good! Here is a pic of it....




She also had her first solids on Monday! My mom bought organic butternut Squash. We got the Ninja (the one on the infomercial) and it is AMAZING for quickly pureeing veggies for her baby food. She steamed the squash and pureed it and right when I came home for my lunch break, it was ready for me to feed her for the first time. Christopher came home right as I was giving her her first bite. She LOVED it! She has begun this new thing of sticking her tongue out and vibrating it to spit. She has discovered that this little trick produces noise which makes her laugh hysterically. So the butternut squash came out more than it went in, but she had no problem grabbing the spoon and feeding herself. She ate all of it and even had seconds. Next will be the throwing of the bowls of food. Thank God for suction cup bottoms :)

Yesterday was her first St Patricks Day....wanted to dye her breastmilk green but that fun will have to wait til next year! Got her the cutest outfit to wear. Chris was going to pick us up some corned beef from the Banshee but they were sold out so ironically I settled for their amazing fish tacos and he had their Philly. Quite the opposite of the Irish tradition, but our little shamrock sure looked cute...



So the sun is shining...73 degrees today! Such a blessing because I am so over winter and cold. Sophia is sleeping but as soon as she wakes I am going to bring her swing out in the sunshine so I can wash my car and get my home ready with some spring cleaning.

Lydia (Christopher's mom) is coming into town tonight as well as Richie (his brother). They will both be meeting Sophia for the first time so we're looking forward to some fun this weekend. I have to work Sat and Sun but Christopher will have some great quality time with his mom and brother. The weather should be nice so maybe I can take them to Bidwell Park tomorrow on my day off or to downtown Chico.

I have also begun sprucing up these empty walls in our house. Found an awesome piece @ Bed Bath and Beyond to put in our entry by our hallway and family room. I also ordered a large black 8 piece "Live Laugh Love" frame collage to go above the couch. I have taken a tremendous amount of pictures of Sophia and they are just waiting in the hard drive to be displayed on the walls. Our house is finally beginning to feel like a home, throwing out that "freshly moved in" look.

Alright time to throw on the Cinderella shoes so I can have some peace and quiet time with my sweet Gracie before the house becomes full :)

Much love,

Sophia's 1st sequence of laughs!!!

Thought I would share this with everyone...the 125th reason (and counting) why we love her!!! It also documents her discovering Mommy's iPhone while filming :)

My lil' hot tamale!

Yesterday Sophia and I went to a tamale making party. Every year, my DM gets together with her family in LA and all the ladies spend all day making tamales every year around the holidays. This year she had all the store managers over to her house in Sacramento for a tamale party. I was on maternity leave this holiday, so I am so glad I got to participate and didn't miss out on the one time a year we all get together and chit chat, drink and eat. I didn't have any sangria (which I was told was delicious) but Sophia and I made our first tamales. She was such a good baby! All the ladies loved her and as we made our tamales, she sat on Chiings lap and watched the process. She's at that stage now that she has to grab everything in sight and thrust it into her mouth. Therefore, I was worried it would hinder the process but it was so much fun (although it most likely took lots of will power for her not to dig her hands in the masa)! I must admit for a beginner's class, the ladies of District 10 beat all expectations. I took a bunch home and will be sharing them with Christopher and my other managers at work. Had them again for breakfast this morning as Sophia and I relax on the couch on my second day off.

Lots to do today. Gotta load up on hot tea as my throat begins to ache. Hopefully a cold isn't making it's way through. I would so badly love to stay under the blankets on the couch today, but the laundry won't fold itself and I made a commitment to work out at least 3 days a week, preferably four.

Dinner tonight with Chad and Kelly, so I'll have to Tivo the women's figure skating long program tonight. Looking forward to the performances, especially Canada's Joannie Rochette. Her short program brought me to tears, so much emotion from just losing her mother so suddenly. I can't even begin to fathom losing mine. The amount of courage it took to even decide to compete, much less to step her first foot on the ice, was tremendous. Even though I am a huge supporter of the USA team (for obvious reasons) I will be secretly rooting for Canada tonight!

The girls come up tomorrow night for Billy's 40th birthday bash Saturday which should be a great time. Christopher will be staying home this Saturday night and having Daddy/daughter time with Sophia for the first time alone while mommy can have some girl time with Darc, Ash, and Katie. The challenge will be to see if I still have it in me. Haven't been out on the town with my girlfriends since before Sophia was born. 14.5 months is a LONG "off season"....lol. It will feel good to get all dolled up, have fun with my ladies and see all the familiar faces I haven't seen in a while.

All in all, a busy next three days! Enjoy your weekend everyone!!!

I ♥ Photobooth!

Sophia has now reached the stage where she laughs at pictures of herself! It is the cutest thing ever. There is a big picture of her recent photo shoot on our MacBook desktop with Lisa Fitts (seen below):



Everytime the laptop fires up and she comes alive on the desktop, she starts flailing her arms and legs as her eyes widen and she begins to smile and laugh.

A week ago, I recently discovered Photobooth and it's great because I can just plop the MacBook in front of her as she moves about and takes quick fun shots. She loves following her face on the screen...Here is one from yesterday:



This morning we had a little mama/daughter time...please forgive my "fresh from the bed" appearance...we are both still in pjs!





I love my little darling more than words can say. I told Christopher last night that she is starting to look like a little person. She no longer has that newborn baby look, and her hair is turning blonde like mine did as a baby. The changes keep coming....Happy Thursday everyone!!!

Five months of milestones

So...I type todays blog in the car (no not driving...as a passenger) on the way down to Napa. Tonight will be my first night away from my darling girl. She is in the trusting hands of my mama and while I know everything will be just fine, and she probably won't even miss me, I can't help but blink away the welling tears.

Christopher and I are joining our friends on a mini couples retreat of golf, spa treatments, and lots-o-vino in Napa. I couldn't commit to stay both nights and be away from her for more than 24 hours, so we are just staying for one. I look back on my days of Vegas weekends with my girls and part of me longs for those moments of careless freedom, but it only takes a quick look at my beautiful Sophia to turn it into nothing more than an afterthought. She has changed my life in more ways than even I can fathom and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I am SO looking forward to spa time with the girls and meeting up with the guys later for dinner and drinks. Should be fun and it is well deserved after a long 10 months of pregnancy and a very special five months with my daughter.

Yes, my little Sophia turned five months old yesterday. Ironic that the milestone landed on Valentine's Day because she is the strongest symbol of love that I have ever had the priviledge of having. My little love bug has had so many little milestones over the past 22 weeks. She can now completely hold her own bottle with her two hands and she genuinely laughs when I play peek a boo with her. She can see me from a distance and smile and she sat up for the first time on her own halfway without falling over to the side. My favorite one so far happened last week. When her Auntie Shan got her a Gloworm, she LOVED it. She would grab both of its "ears" and pull it close to her face as her eyes doubled in size and she would scream into it as she thrust an open mouth kiss onto it. Hard to imagine, but if you saw it you would just die! Well she now does that to me. While it sometimes hurts as she pulls my hair wispies instead of my ears, I absolutely adore it...Lily not so much. She has now discovered her ability to reach out and grab Lily. The first few times, Lily allowed it without a fuss but now Sophia grabs her at every opportunity and it is starting to wear on her. I can't help but laugh, but I do keep a close eye on the two of them for fear of Lily snapping at her.

So as I look back on the past five months, I no longer become sad. Partly because I have highly documented it all with an endless supply of photos (300+ just on my iPhone) but mainly in part to all the amazing moments to come. Soon she will be sitting completely upright, crawling will come quickly there after and then the formation of her long awaited first word (selfishly crossing fingers in hopes that it is "mama")!

In the meantime, I will enjoy myself today (as will Christopher...our first real getaway together) and soak it all up. As soon as the sun rises tomorrow though, I will be driving back to reality and rushing into the house to squeeze my baby girl and kiss her face repeatedly.

Hope everyone enjoys the holiday today!

Much love,
Aubrey


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

UPDATE: Two teeth!!!

Well...turns out there are two...not just one! Both bottom teeth are coming in together! I am in absolute awe of my sweet girl! She's doing oh so well too...no teething tablets needed! Bring on the molars :)

The happiest teething baby I have ever seen!!!

Sophia has been a drooling machine for the past few weeks. Sunday was the worst amount I have seen thus far. Daddy stayed in town while Sophia and I drove down to Shannon and Michael's Super Bowl party. Everyone was so glad to see her but if they held her, they held a burp cloth too. She was just a fountain of drool. I thought I had felt a bit of a ridge coming through, but no fussiness or crying until the late evening as usual right before we were about to leave. The whole ride home she slept and went to bed just fine.

Yesterday, my mom brought her to my lunch @ work so I could feed her and the drooling has subsided a little. So when I got home last night around 9:45, Christopher told me he felt her first tooth. I honestly didn't believe him, because she had no tell tale signs of breaking teeth. I stuck my finger in to see what he was talking about, in an attempt to prove him wrong (one of our favorite past times), and much to my surprise, I felt a PRICK! Her bottom first tooth broke through! Officially the happiest teething baby I have seen!

I broke down silently, unable to control my tears. I couldn't help myself. 24 was on and he glanced over to see tears streaming down my face. Call it a long day at work (after a very long week and not long enough weekend last week), or just hormones, but I was blubbering mess. My baby was growing up too fast. Ever since I have resumed my full time job, time has been rushing by. For four months, I was always by her side, watching every little milestone, seeing every little cute move. This was the first milestone I was not there for, and Daddy was. I am so happy he got to see a "first" on his own, but I couldn't help but be selfishly sad.

As happy as I am for all the milestones to come, I can't help looking back at how fast these soon to be five months have been. She'll be five months on Sunday and every minute has been a gift. She lights up my life and fills my heart.

Here's to many more special moments and amazing "firsts"!

In need of SUNSHINE!!!

My laptop screensaver is this beautiful shot of Bora Bora...that clear bright blue water...those huts on stilts with see through floors...ahhh I could go on and on. I have it because it gives me hope of one day traveling there.

It also helps on days like this.

The weather today is wretched. Overcast, dark grey skies are the worst. Rain or shine please, but this in between gloom is killing me. Another reason I could NEVER live in Seattle.

Damn you groundhog :)

I am so thirsty for the feeling on sunshine on my back. Some color on my skin. The chance to put Sophia in her first bikini and take a dip in Chad's pool, down the street. The sun always lifts my spirits. So, as hot tea is brewing and Sophia is taking her late morning nap, a sunny vacation is all I can think about. However, days like this do allow for things to get done like filling out her baby book (which I have seriously neglected since going back to work) and organizing all of her photos over the past 4.5 months. In the meantime, I will continue to work on that post baby, bikini body and start planning some summer getaways!

Work is going well. Writing reviews this week and struggling with it because I was gone for all of Q4. Very thankful for my team and their ability to help me with them. Mom is doing great watching Sophia. Again, something I am very thankful for. Her being here allows me some peace and time to breathe. She was here for a week and left yesterday but will be back on Sunday evening. My sis and Manny came in last week and they brought their puppy, so the house was VERY full. It was so nice to see my sis and she LOVED being with Sophia for a few days. She cried when she left, as did I, which was to be expected. I miss her so much and wish she lived closer.

When Chris left for work this morning, it was a little strange being alone with Sophia for the first time in a week and a half. However, it's kinda nice to be alone it my thoughts too and have one on one time with my baby.

Speaking of...she soon won't be one. Growing so fast. She can now bounce up and down in her exersaucer and she always tries to wiggle out of her bouncer. Good thing for the straps. When I am walking down the hall with her, I know have to hold her with both arms. This morning, I was taking her to the nursery for a diaper change, holding her the way I always do. She quickly arched her back and lurched backwards, almost right out of my arms. Scared me to death and rushed my left arm forward to catch her upper body. Just another reminder that she isn't the small baby I gave birth to. Can't believe she'll be five months old in ten days!!!

New Year...New Physique

Now I don't know about you, but I have always struggled to find the motivation to work out. Every year, I would set resolutions around losing weight and getting that "beach bod" and I would always let myself down.

Needless to say, having a baby hasn't helped in the motivation department. Getting quality sleep has been challenge enough, let alone finding the energy to workout 5 days a week or attempt to take a class. People always told me I didn't even look pregnant and after I had the baby, the 25 pounds I gained virtually fell off. I was back in my old jeans two weeks after she was born and now I weigh slightly less than I did when I found out I was pregnant. However, I wanted more definition and tone. Even though I didn't look it, I felt flabby and out of shape.

When Sophia was a few weeks old, Christopher resumed his routine. He plays basketball Tues and Thurs at In Motion and is good about going regularly to Bikram Yoga. Therefore, it was virtually impossible for me to go as well. Between our work schedules, we both can't do it. So, since her birth I have taken the backseat to exercise. Looking back over the past four months, it wasn't the best idea but what was most important to me was being with Sophia (Side note: My second child (if I have one) will be born in spring so I can enjoy outdoor activity with her). Therefore, until I get into more of a groove with our schedules, exercise will have to come in the form of workout dvd's. Now we've all done it....bought into the silly infomercials in hopes of looking like the fitness models endorsing the product. However, I really needed to find something I could do in the comfort and ease of my own home around Sophia's napping schedule or early in the morning before she wakes. I was determined to find the perfect one...

Well....I FOUND IT!!!

I have always been ENVIOUS of Kelly Ripa's arms. I mean Good God...the woman has three kids and has a morning tv show. Granted her income surpasses mine ten times over and she most likely has a personal trainer and chef, but if you she do it, so can I, right?

Come to find out, she loves this little studio call Physique 57 in New York. She swears by it....loving how it has completely transformed her body and how addicting and fun it is. They are exclusively in NYC, but after doing my research I discovered they recently produced DVD's. Body transformation all while having fun? That's definitely worth the 40 bucks and I gave in.

The dvd's arrived and as Chris picked them up from the doorstep, and when I explained what they were he just rolled his eyes. I told him I would GLADLY trade places and I could go to Bikram Yoga and basketball 4-5 times a week and he could stay home with Sophia and eat. Well it's no wonder that he quickly changed his tune...lol.

So, after a very hectic first week back at work, balancing 43+ hours and maintaining my quality time with Sophia, I did my first full body Physique 57 workout yesterday. And OH WOW is all I can say! I desperately underestimated just how great it would be and how soe I would be. It literally worked every area. It's a ballet inspired exercise program. Using a ballet bar (or the back of your couch), 3 and 5 lb weights and a floor mat, you work each body part (until atrophy, basically) and then you stretch it out. The result is long, lean, strong muscles. It's only been two days and two workouts but I can already feel a difference (and hopefully I will see one very soon).

I know it will take a while to get Kelly Ripa's defined arms but I am not stopping until I do. The workout is 57 minutes long, but it's over before you know it...and it's FUN. Truly the best at home workout I have done thus far.

So it's a new year and a new me...sooner than later. I laugh hysterically at the concept of "MILF" but what I want....a defined, toned and lean body...is definitely within reach! I took a "before" pic and hopefully will post a great "after" one so you can see the results first hand!


Happy Tuesday everyone!!!

Is it Friday yet?

I used to never completely understand the meaning behind "Hump Day." I mean, what's so great about Wednesday?

Well, as of this evening, the meaning is crystal clear.

Quite a week this has been. After being off for four months, I ventured back into the work world. Trying to start where I left off was much harder than I anticipated; I definitely underestimated the amount of energy and patience it would take to get back in the groove of things.

My one saving grace is my mama. She has been very generous to Christopher and I and has volunteered to come in three days a week to watch Sophia. I honestly couldn't ask for more. She gets to stay in the comfort of her own home, she gets 100% of "grandma" attention, and to make the deal that much sweeter, she helps around the house and cooks meals. I came home yesterday and her nursery was immaculate, all her old clothes were washed, folded and put away for storage and she completely organized her closet. I have never seen the nursery so organized. She also completed all the laundry, did the dishes and found a way to keep Sophia happy (and sleeping) in her crib. THANK YOU MAMA...you have saved me much anguish, stress and many tears!

Therefore, today was going to be a GREAT day! The weather wouldn't be, but I wouldn't let it bring me down. Got to work, acclimated myself with most of everything and opened the store. 45 minutes later, the power went out and stayed out for 2.5 hours. Hannah and I sat in a dark empty store while waiting to hear if we would be headed home. No luck there...the power came on right before I had to head out to the pediatrician to see about Sophia's incessant coughing and congestion. So my lunch break consisted of no food. and unfortunately no great news. She was diagnosed with a case of Bronchiolitis, an infection of the bronchioles, the small air passages in the lungs. The small red dots under her eyes were actual broken capillaries, which were attributed to her heavy coughing. She also has a minor ear infection. Anything else? The doctor gave me a nebulizer to take home and showed me how to give her treatments in order to open and clear her air passages. She cried through the whole nebulizer treatment at the doctor, and it wasn't much better at home.

After the appt, mama dropped me back off at work. She picked me up around 6 and just when I didn't think laughing was a possibility, she saved the day once again. As we were driving home, she told me about the great dinner she had made...a spring spinach salad, blackened cajun salmon steaks, and mushroom rice. "Mushroom rice?" I said. "Oops!" she said (laughing). "Oh yeah, you aren't the daughter who likes mushrooms" (more laughing)!!!" My sister LOVES them, and I despise them. Looks like I'm not the only one losing her mind this week...lol. Needless to say, dinner was not a favorite of mine, but Christopher loved it so that's all that matters.

After a VERY painstakingly long day, I now view "Hump Day" as a great thing...good riddance to the past three!

And Thursday...Bring it on...I can take it!!!

Feeling accomplished, feeling good

Yesterday was a great day...for two reasons...

1) Sophia turned four months old!!! I got her an exersaucer and didn't anticipate how complicated it would be to put together. Here's a pic of her taken in it yesterday:



2) I got an incredible amount of work done. My mom had come into town for two days and I wasn't going to let her leave until she helped me COMPLETELY finish Sophia's nursery. Final touches had not been done and honestly finding time to do it on my own was nearly impossible. So, she played with Sophia and lent her opinion while I went to work. I arranged the butterflies on the wall, ordered prints through one hour and hung her picture collage, hung her shelves and FINALLY put together her shadow box of the day she was born. The nursery is finally the result of everything I had envisioned and I am so happy that it all came together so well. I was a bit nervous that choosing lavender and sage as the two primary colors would end up biting me in my (you know where) but when all was said and done, all the details really tied it together. Here's a collage of pics:

 

So, today involves her 4 month doctor appt...hopefully no more shots :( and then hopefully a nice walk in Bidwell Park before the weather turns ugly for the next 6 days. Later, I will update her calendar for the past three weeks and begin handcrafting her valentines to send out to friends, family and her potential boyfriends of course :).

And DUN...DUN...DUN...Only three days until I go back to work. Instead of looking down on it, I will accept it with open arms. I have to realize how good I have it. My mom will be coming in three days a week to watch her so Christopher will only have to do a half day on Friday. The extra income will be lovely so I can begin the domestic decoration of our home and start planning our summer vacations. It will also allow me to cherish the time I have with Sophia even that much more.

Happy Friday everyone!

The dreaded flu....ughhhh

The flu. It was bound to come eventually. I can't even remember the last time I was sick. However, a week from today I go back to my full time career at BBW...yes REALITY. I was already nervous about the transition, so it makes perfect sense that my body has decided to shut down at this time. First time being sick with Sophia and it is amazing how a child changes your whole perspective of selfishness.

When I was a little girl, I looked forward to these days. My mom had an in home Montessori preschool so staying home was ideal. She would take care of me...bring me juice and homemade chicken noodle soup. I would get to watch tv and as I got older she would even let me watch her favorite soap All My Children. How I long for those days again as I sit on the couch typing this blog. Sophia (luckily) is sleeping next to me in her bouncer but once she wakes, the mom in me will be back at work caring to her every need.

I am almost positive the sickness is more likely a form of food poisoning. It started Friday night with nausea which turned into a night of endless bouts of vomiting, followed by a day of dehydration and exhaustion. Sunday things seemed to be better. I could finally replenish my fluids and hold down some food. However, today (minus the vomiting) things seem much worse. I woke to a feverish break, a congested nose and a very sore throat. I have managed to drink some hot black tea with honey and hopefully a few more of those will ease the throat pain.

So, selfishness aside, my biggest concern is for Sophia. It's bad enough that I am ill, but if she were to get sick, I think life as I know it would fall to pieces. Luckily, there are WONDERFUL things that come from breastfeeding. I swear the milk my body produces is truly "miracle milk." It contains antibodies that fights diseases my body comes in contact with and it is custom made to fight diseases that my baby is exposed to. I was even blown away a while back when I learned you can put some in an eye dropper to treat conjunctivitis, an common eye infection that Sophia had at 1.5 months of age. So...THANK YOU God for the funny way in which you work your magic

In the end, it's days like these that make you really appreciate your health. I will never again take it for granted because as a parent, you thrive on it.

I must cut this short now because Sophia is just waking, but I wish each and everyone of you a very healthy week ahead.

Much love,

She's rolling over and over....I can't get enough

Sophia rolling over for the 7th or 8th time this morning...and upsetting Lily in the process :)

(Side note: Lily doesn't like being touched or nudged by feet...hence the growling in the video)

My resolution(s)

It's the first day back at home in 2010...what a crazy thing. I remember as a young child thinking the year 2000 was so far away. I thought by now there would be flying cars and (like in Star Trek) I would be able to "beam up" my own food. While cars definitely aren't flying, time sure is. I am a mom!!! Still finding it hard to swallow that notion, but something even harder to believe is that Sophia will be four months old shortly and I will once again be returning the work force. I am still unsure how I will maintain the quality time I have with her and balance a 40+ work week in retail, but as the old saying goes "where there's a will, there's a way". In the mean time I will continue to buy my biweekly lottery ticket in hopes of one day never having to work and spending as much time as I can with my child(ren).

So for the next two weeks until reality settles back in, I have decided to create a few resolutions that I will...yes...stick to. They say the average person will break his/her resolution by Feb 17th, so here's to hoping these three will suffice much longer. Here we go...

1) Keep friends and family updated on Sophia's daily adventures, silly moments and amazing milestones. How will I do this in this crazy, "not enough time in one day" life I live? Enter the reason for this blog! I will try to post something each day if not every few days to give my friends and family a look into her life and how I am managing it all.

2) Plan a weekly dinner menu. While I was visiting with our great friends JR and Erin Lotto, I found that Erin planned out the week's meals in advance. She has a framed blank Sun-Sat menu board where she writes out each night's dinner. I will be able to form dinner around whatever I already have or shop accordingly for what I need. It will make things much easier and cheaper when shopping at the grocery store. When I go back to work full time, I will be working more closing shifts during the week in order to accommodate less needed daycare between Christopher and I which is great. However, I will need to cook dinner for Christopher and Sophia in advance and making Sophia's food on my own from fresh fruits and veggies is a decision I made long ago. Therefore, a system like this will definitely work to my advantage. This is a resolution I can stick to...I know it!

3) Let go of the days of brand names! Becoming a mother has truly changed my perception of the good life. When I was younger, weekends spent at the mall was the norm and as I got older I always wanted the "best"... name brands, designer purses, the works! This was also attainable by having to support just myself with my current salary and on a measly amount of rent. Times have undoubtedly changed. With a new house (and mortgage) and a new baby, comes a new way of thinking. While I am VERY thankful for the job I have, I still do not make enough to live the ways of the past and give everything I can (and want) to Sophia. Now when I shop, my focus has shifted to her as it should. I will instead learn the ways of saving and look to the bigger picture of family vacations and traveling to visit friends and family. For example, Old Navy has become my favorite place to shop for Sophia (inexpensive clothes for an ever changing size). Now don't get me wrong, I love my jeans. Nothing beats a nice pair and I will still have a few but the overall consistency of shopping will decrease in order to provide the life I want for my family.

So there you have it...my New Year resolutions...all attainable with some planning and thought. So as I take down the Christmas decorations, box up 2009, and create a new photo file for 2010, all in all I am content. I never thought my life in 2010 would be this way, but I honestly couldn't ask for better.

Wishing everyone a Happy New Year and much love!